


In another life, maybe

by divininw (ffroyo)



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, M/M, genderswitch happens, lots of pov switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 18:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21123053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffroyo/pseuds/divininw
Summary: 3 lifetimes, 2 missed opportunities, 1 last chance to get it righta reincarnation au





	In another life, maybe

**Author's Note:**

> rewrote my fic for another ship bc I so badly want to write a reincarnation fic for this pairing while listening to lauv - sims on loop

_ 1876, Hanyang _

Seungyoun knew he wasn’t supposed to feel this way. Wasn’t supposed to relish those moments when Wooseok leaned heavily on him when drunk after nights at the gibang. Wasn’t supposed to dwell on those seconds when Wooseok’s hands brushed against his. Wasn’t supposed to feel his heart flutter yet still contract in pain when Wooseok declared him to be a “brother forever.” Seungyoun wasn’t sure what he felt, but he was sure what he _ wasn’t _ supposed to feel.

-

Seungyoun knew Wooseok ever since they were little, but their statuses were vastly different. Wooseok was the younger master of the region’s lord-in-charge, Lord Kim, and Seungyoun was just the son of a villager that lived on the lands.

They met each other when the village kids were playing together by the river, and Seungyoun spotted Wooseok a distance, looking like he wanted to join, yet was too shy, and maybe a little too proud, to join a bunch of village kids. Seungyoun ran to Wooseok, smiled his biggest smile and asked if he wanted to join them.

“I’m Seungyoun, my friends call me Youn, would you like to join us? You look like you could use some friends.”

Wooseok was a little taken aback that this village boy, would actually approach him, but he had never heard such happy, unrestrained laughter in his house and among his playmates. Plus, the village boy gave him such a big smile, the biggest and the warmest he had ever seen, and he couldn’t, and didn’t want to say no to that smile.

-

Wooseok was 16 when he realized he felt _ something more _ for Seungyoun. They were wrestling for a dare, where the winner would buy dinner, but when Seungyoun tumbled onto him, his face inches away from Wooseok’s face, Wooseok felt the world had stopped. He could see Seungyoun’s lashes, could almost count Seungyoun’s pore, could hear Seungyoun’s heavy breathing from all the physical exertion, could feel his body pressing down on his. It was warm, comforting. Then Seungyoun pushed himself up from Wooseok and excitedly declared that he won, that Wooseok owed him a meal now and he was going to order the finest cut of beef. Wooseok glanced up to Seungyoun and saw that his eyes crinkle up in a line, listened to his laughter that was long and deep when he was really happy, and Wooseok’s heart skipped a beat.

-

Seungyoun thought Wooseok as his best friend, and he thought he knew everything about Wooseok. That was until he was 15, when Wooseok lost to him in a wrestling match and he fell on top of Seungyoun. At that moment, no one else existed in the world, just him and Wooseok. He gazed into Wooseok’s large eyes, and wondered how could a boy have much large, dazzling eyes, that seemed to suck him in every time he looked a little too long. He saw Wooseok’s long lashes that all girls envied, but definitely suited Wooseok better; his small nose that matched his small face; his lips that were perfectly heart-shaped…Seungyoun quickly snapped back to reality and pushed himself off Wooseok. He had just been staring at his best friend’s lips! He declared loudly that Wooseok owed him a meal now and laughed loudly to diffuse any potential awkwardness he might have felt during that fall, but his heart still thundered on. 

-

Seungyoun thought he was content just remaining by Wooseok’s side as his friend, but when he saw Wooseok kissing a pretty girl in the backyard, his heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. When Wooseok announced he was getting married to the Lee household in Jeolla and would be moving to Jeolla after the marriage, Seungyoun felt that half of himself just died. He tried so hard to suppress his feelings for Wooseok, to deny that he felt anything more than friendship, but with the thought of Wooseok out of reach forever, Seungyoun couldn’t deny his feelings anymore. He knew he was supposed to marry a girl in the village, have kids and live comfortably ever after. He wasn’t even supposed to like men, but somehow Wooseok just felt like his.

When Wooseok asked Seungyoun for one last drink before his marriage, Seungyoun felt that he owed it to himself, to see Wooseok one last time and seal away _ whatever he felt _ for good. At the gibang, Wooseok requested for a private room and raised a toast to Seungyoun.

“To Youn-ah, my best friend, my best brother. I don’t know when we will see each again, but this bond will not be broken, even after I’m married. Say, when I come back to visit next time, you better be married!” Wooseok teased Seungyoun.

“Yah stop teasing me! Just because you are getting married first. But, truly congrats on your marriage! Cheers!” Seungyoun quickly downed the first bottle of liquor.

“Youn-ah, slow down, you know you are not the strongest drinker.”

Perhaps it was the fact that it was going to be really long before he could see Wooseok again, or the fact that Wooseok will officially be out of his reach forever, Seungyoun drank more than he never did in his life. When he woke up the next morning, he could only remember Wooseok’s face hovering above his sometime during the night.

-

Wooseok had never been so unsure of anything in his life, until the night before his marriage. He had chalked up his nervousness about the wedding to cold feet and moving to a new village. Kim Yuhee was pretty and they seem to get along in the few times they met. However, Wooseok couldn’t shake the feeling that he was meant for something _ more _.

From young, Wooseok was aware that marriage was something out of his hands. His marriage would be to bolster his family status, to strengthen family ties. Wooseok counted himself lucky he never built a connection with any girl in the village.

But Seungyoun. Ever since that fateful day when he was 16 when he realised he maybe saw Seungyoun as more than a brother. But Wooseok was afraid, afraid of what his feeling could mean.

Afraid that whatever his feelings meant, they could never materialise.

Tonight, Seungyoun seemed a little distant and drank more than he knew he could hold. Then Seungyoun had started babbling about unrequited love. Wooseok didn’t know Seungyoun had fancied someone and started asking Seungyoun about the girl.

“Girl? I don’t like any girls!” Seungyoun swung his arms up in frustration, almost toppling over the table as he swayed.

“Don’t lie to me, you just said you had an unrequited love.” Wooseok countered.

“Seok…” Seungyoun suddenly grasped the sides of Wooseok’s face, looking incredibly serious. “Why are you so handsome…you…you are my....mine.”

Wooseok stared into Seungyoun’s eyes, which seemed to come nearer and nearer. Did he just hear Seungyoun calling him “mine”? His mouth went dry at the thought of what it implied.

Just then, Seungyoun heaved and quickly shot up and ran out of the room, just in time to throw up over the side of the room into the grass. Wooseok holds his head as he pukes, and then Seungyoun faints. Wooseok shook his head at his best friend’s drunk state, and attributed what Seungyoun said to just alcohol-induced babbling. “C’mon, Seungyoun, wake up! You have to go home!”. Wooseok tried to sober up Seungyoun, but he had already fallen asleep, leaving Wooseok no choice but to carry him home, albeit with great difficulty.

-

The next day, Seungyoun stood among the crowd, as he watched Wooseok get married. He pushes the horrific memory of declaring Wooseok “mine” when in a drunken stupor last night, and hopes Wooseok chalked it up to drunken nonsense. He wishes he had the courage to say he truly felt for Wooseok, but he was afraid of what Wooseok would think of him, that he could lose Wooseok forever if Wooseok didn’t feel the same.

After the ceremony, Seungyoun watches as Wooseok boards the horse-drawn carriage with his new bride, setting off his new life.

Somehow, Seungyoun catches Wooseok’s gaze as he settled by the window. Wooseok waves and smiles at him. Seungyoun has seen Wooseok smile a thousand times, but this smile, Seungyoun thinks, is the most beautiful of them all.

Seungyoun’s face scrunches up and involuntarily, to his horror, tears fall.

He catches Wooseok’s shocked expression, through the tiny carriage window as it drove away.

Wooseok never returns to the village.

_ 1949, Ilsan _

“Woosun! Wake up! Did you hear? Our school has a new student! I heard he is kind of scary...rumours say he was forced to change schools because he beat someone up?” Jinhee chattered away, as Woosun slowly took into account what Jinhee said.

“Is he in our class?”

“Nope, he’s in the neighbouring class.”

“Yah! Do I look like I care then?! Don’t wake me up for irrelevant information. I’m so sleepy from studying late last night.” Woosun retorted.

After school, Woosun went to the school garden. As a member of the school’s gardening club, she was in charge of watering the back garden today. She turned on the sprinkler hose and begun watering the trees. Suddenly, she heard a shout, and a figure sprung up beside the tree.

“Yah! Who poured water on me while I was sleeping?” The figure shouted. Woosun took a good look at him. He was wearing the schools’ uniform, had a long, lean frame, and had longish hair that almost brushed against his shoulders - definitely against the school rules. As Woosun had never seen him before, she concluded that this must be the new transfer student. 

“Yah! Answer me when I’m talking to you!” he shouted, before walking towards Woosun.

_ Oh my god, he sounds so scary. Better run! _

Seeing he was quite some distance away, Woosun quickly turned off the sprinklers and ran off, counting her luck that he never caught up to her.

-

She occasionally saw him around school, but he was usually alone. Sometimes, she saw him with that tall, handsome senior who was President of the choir club, sitting by the school lake. She doesn’t know why, but somehow she naturally took notice of him. Like there was some kind of force that draws her to him. Sometimes, she would accidentally catch his eye, but she always hurriedly looked away as he usually gives her a lopsided smirk.

Woosun guesses he doesn’t seem to remember her from the watering incident or care, even he did remember. Still, she always wanted to approach him and apologize for that incident, but she couldn't bring herself to approach him.

“Jinhee, what is that new senior’s name?” Woosun asked one day.

“Ehhh I don’t know actually, I never got around to find it out. You find it out if you’re so curious.”

Wooseok never does.

-

“Breaking news: North Korea has crossed the 38th parallel. We are calling all healthy males of age 18 and above to report for military conscription.” Woosun was just eating breakfast when she heard the news over the radio. The rice bowl she was holding slipped to the ground and shattered.

When she arrived in school later, the school felt emptier. She realized that all the boys in her school had to report for military conscription as well.

Her thoughts turned to her male classmates, and then it weirdly settled onto the new transfer student.

_ Why am I thinking of him? I don’t even know him... _

-

Three years passed, and the war had ended. The town hall held a war memorial for those who died from the town.

Woosun went and paid her respects to those who had sacrificed themselves for their country. As she looked at the commemorative wall of photographs, she spotted on a familiar face.

“Cho Seungyoun? After all these years I finally found out his name,” she whispered to herself as she saw the face of the transfer student. Woosun was hit by a sudden wave of inexplicable sadness. When she touched her face, she found that her cheeks were already wet.

_ Cho Seungyoun…with this sadness I’m feeling, I seem to know you. I feel like…I was supposed to know you. But, who are you? _

Woosun slides to down floor and cries, her quiet tears turning to great wracking sobs. She is aware of the people around her whispering, staring as if she had gone mad. She wanted to stop crying so badly but the tears kept coming and the huge wave of sadness, the immense sense of loss refused to dissipate.

But life goes on for Woosun.

_ 2019, Seoul _

The first time Wooseok talks to Seungyoun properly was in B class.

“Wait, that’s mine-, oh hey, I'm Cho Seungyoun, you’re Kim Wooseok right?” Wooseok gets officially introduced to the tall, always-smiling, perpetually-in-a-beanie guy on the first day of training when he and Seungyoun both reaches for the last bottle of water remaining during a break. 

Wooseok remembers Seungyoun from UNIQ, a group that debuted about a year before UP10TION. He vaguely recalls the brief handshakes they had on music shows and variety programmes, and that he heard that Seungyoun was in the same college course as him before, but they’ve never met.

“Yeah, hi Seungyoun _ sunbae-nim _,” Wooseok puts a special stress on the ‘sunbae’, knowing that Seungyoun had quickly sat down while other trainees stood around nervously when Jinhyuk and him walked out during trainee introductions. 

“Ugh don’t call me sunbae like that!” Seungyoun’s face contorts into a grimace and yelps. “Does it mean you’re giving me the last bottle?”

“Not a chance,” Wooseok smiles sweetly up to Seungyoun through his glasses, snatches the bottle quickly and runs off, ignoring Seungyoun’s yells.

(He eventually passes the remaining half to Seungyoun, of course.)

-

Both being debuted idols and the same age, Wooseok grew even closer to Seungyoun after both being sorted into the Love Shot team, often meeting late at night after practice to sneak some snacks and the occasional smuggled beer. 

“What if I don’t make it?” That night, Seungyoun stares at the beer in his hands and began peeling off the label. “I’m ranked 17th now, and the cut-off is 20, and you know how ranks are so volatile, I’m just worried, what if...”

Wooseok's years in the industry has made him jaded, he knows the amount of hard work and sheer luck to make it, but he sees Seungyoun and just knows Seungyoun was meant to become a star. Seungyoun was practically born for the stage - Wooseok has never been so sure of anything in his life. 

“You’re gonna make it.” Wooseok takes Seungyoun’s hands into his. “You will, trust me.”

-

By some miracle (Seungyoun knows some luck is definitely involved, talent, hard work and determination could only bring him so far), Seungyoun leapfrogs through the ranks each week, jumping from 67th to 6th in the 2nd-last ranking. Turns out the ranks being volatile were in his favour after all. 

Then, the finale came, and Seungyoun was expecting the same rank or even drop a little. When the 10th rank was called and it was Minhee’s name, Seungyoun clapped his hardest, hugged the boy and congratulated him. 

When 9th was announced and it was Junho, Seungyoun did the same. And then it was 8th, and then 7th, and still his name wasn’t called. Still, it was Dohyon, a boy Seungyoun practically adopted during Produce X, and Hangyul, one of the best people he had met on the show and Seungyoun felt nothing but joy for them. At the 6th ranking announcement, Seungyoun thought this was it. It was 6th or nothing. He readied himself. 

It was Dongypo. The boy really deserved it, having enough stress placed on him as the initial centre. Seungyoun pats on him on the head as Dongpyo walks to the main stage. 

Each minute that Lee Dongwook doesn’t announce who is 5th feels like a long-drawn nightmare. He thinks he heard the person could contend for the main rapper in the new group, and Yohan excitedly whispers ‘it could be you, hyung!” 

Seungyoun shakes his head and smiles thinly, “I think it’s Jinhyuk.”

The camera pauses in front of him, and Seungyoun readies himself to congratulate Jinhyuk. Or Geumdong. 

The screen flashes his face. He hears Lee Dongwook shouting his name. He made it.

They debut in front of thousands of fans and Seungyoun revels in the screams, the adoration, the feeling of finally being acknowledged for his skills and hard work. He'll do anything to make this last. He has to.

-

In Produce, there was no time for feelings. Seungyoun only knew practice, stress and sheer anxiety that he wasn't going to make the cut the next round. In X1, Seungyoun relaxes slightly and takes notice of things. Things like Wooseok is still friendly to everyone around and especially babies the younger ones with much affection, but Seungyoun isn’t oblivious like everyone thinks. He knows Wooseok’s gaze lingers on him a little longer, that Wooseok clings to him more than other members.

Somedays, Seungyoun catches Wooseok’s gaze and he is just hit with a feeling that they are meant to be.

Seungyoun doesn’t want to suppress his feelings anymore. 

-

Wooseok was getting a cup of water when he hears the sounds of the front door keypad being pressed. He sees Seungyoun walking into the living, collapsing onto the sofa after a long day of at the studio, probably cooking up the next X1 album track.

“What are you doing up at 3am?”

Wooseok points to the glass of water he’s holding and sits down beside Seungyoun.

“God, you stink of soju. You went out to drink?!” Wooseok wrinkles his nose as Seungyoun leans slightly towards him.

“Yeah, with the producers. I only had two, no almost three bottles? I think? The smell is all from them. I smell gooood,” Seungyoun lays his head fully onto Wooseok’s shoulder and giggles.

“Go take a shower, Youn-ah.” Wooseok raises his hand to push Seungyoun’s head off, but Seungyoun reaches up and holds his wrist.

Wooseok turns to Seungyoun, who had fully sat up and is very slowly crowding into Wooseok’s personal space, hand still wrapped around Wooseok’s wrist.

Wooseok can see the three moles on Seungyoun’s face, and Wooseok thinks he wants to trace a path with them.

“Wooseokie, I really like you,” Seungyoun whispers before he kisses Wooseok. The kiss was slow and gentle, just a pressing of their lips together, but Wooseok’s soul sings. He wasn’t even aware his soul could sing, but that was the exact words Wooseok would use to describe that moment where everything felt right.

But feeling right doesn’t matter when you’re in an idol group with an expiration date and only that set amount of time for Wooseok to grasp his opportunities. He didn’t practice to the point of exhaustion to debut, and then to endure those dark, dark times alone, to slip up now because something felt right.

Wooseok breaks the kiss and gently pushes Seungyoun away.

“We can’t, I can’t, you’re drunk” Wooseok stutters as he sees the realisation settling in Seungyoun’s face and the immediate hurt.

“I’ve never felt more sober, Seok. You don’t understand. You, us, I’ve never felt this way before, like I’ve waited forever for you, for us to happen. It’s like we’re meant to be,” Seungyoun cups Wooseok’s face, words urgent as he tries to appeal to Wooseok.

Wooseok’s heart clenches so tightly, because he knows exactly how Seungyoun feels, like they have found each other after an eternity apart, which is ridiculous because they only really knew each other this year.

“Let’s just pretend this never happened. Please, Seungyoun, I beg you.” Wooseok forces the words through his teeth as he scoots abruptly off the couch and flees into his room.

-

Seungyoun is a surprisingly good actor because he does pretend that night never happened. At least in front of the cameras. He still teases Wooseok for being small, occasionally slings an arm over Wooseok’s shoulders and hypes up Wooseok’s aegyo.

Once the cameras are off, however, Seungyoun turns cold. In a group of 11 people, it was easy to avoid each other, but Wooseok wanted their relationship to be normal. Seungyoun thinks otherwise; he keeps conversations with Wooseok short, doesn’t look Wooseok in the face and occupies himself with something or someone else whenever Wooseok is near. Wooseok thinks Seungyoun doesn’t even need to try that hard, since Seungyoun is almost never in the dorm anyway.

Sometimes, Wooseok still catches Seungyoun’s eyes, and the look of sadness and hurt forces Wooseok to look away.

-

It takes Seungyoun to fall severely ill for Wooseok to change his mind. 

That day, Seungyoun had been complaining about feeling a little dizzy, but he just chalked it up to maybe not eating dinner yet. However, the moment Seungyoun stood up from the dining table, he collapsed.

Seungwoo and Hangyul, who were sitting nearest rushed to Seungyoun’s side, while the maknaes crowded around in horror.

“Yah, don’t crowd him! He needs to breathe!” Wooseok’s loud voice cuts through the murmurs, as Seungwoo, Hangyul and Yohan moved Seungyoun to the couch. 

“He’s burning up.” Hangyul gasps as he touches Seungyoun’s forehead. Seungwoo was calling their manager, Dohyon hurried forward with an ice pack, while Hyeongjun and Eunsang rushed into Seungyoun’s room pack his belongings.

Wooseok stayed at the fringes, trembling slightly.

After the manager came and they managed to get Seungyoun onto a taxi to the hospital, Minhee notices Wooseok is still trembling slightly, his face deathly pale.

“Hyung, are you okay? Are you sick too?” Minhee asks.

“No, no, I’m fine. I’m just shocked,” Wooseok lies through his teeth. He’s not shocked, he’s terrified out of his wits. The moment Seungyoun collapsed, Wooseok was gripped with a fear of losing Seungyoun, a feeling so acute Wooseok couldn’t even figure how it came about.

-

Seungyoun comes back from the hospital after 1 day and 1 night. Turns out he had collapsed from exhaustion and ran up a high fever, causing his dizziness.

Seungyoun looks a little haggard but he insists he’s fine and perfectly okay to attend the fan meeting next day. Both Seungwoo and their manager try to talk him out of it, but Seungyoun is stupidly stubborn. The members shoot Seungyoun’s worried looks throughout the fan meeting but Wooseok doesn’t even look at Seungyoun.

Wooseok is furious. He’s furious at himself for not noticing, at others for not noticing, for Seungyoun to not notice it himself.

-

The next few days, Seungyoun’s schedule is lessened considerably and he gets better. Hangyul had voluntarily set up his bed in Seungwoo’s room for the moment, wanting to give Seungyoun optimal rest.

In the middle of the 4th night, Seungyoun wakes up, desperately wanting some water. He spots a small figure huddled at the foot of his bed.

He rubs his eyes. He must be dreaming.

“Wooseokie?”

Wooseok wakes up in a jolt. He can’t believe he fell asleep after he changed Seungyoun’s ice pack. “I uh-” Wooseok hastily gets up to leave, but Seungyoun pulls on his wrist, causing him to stumble onto the bed.

“You can’t just ignore me ever since I got back from the hospital but appear in my room suddenly in the middle of the night and even now try and run! And don’t think I don’t know it’s you.” Seungyoun knows his ice pack gets mysteriously changed in the middle of the night and a glass of water always appears in the morning but he had always chalked it up to Jisung or the manager, until now.

Wooseok stays silent, keeping his eyes trained on the floor. He has so many things he wanted to say, he doesn’t even know where to start.

“Youn-ah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I said those things a month ago. I’m a fucking coward, that’s what I am. I was so focused on the group, on myself, that I ignored how I really felt.” Wooseok grows more emotional as he talks, stumbling over his words.

“I-I feel the exact same way. When you collapse I was so fucking scared. That I was gonna lose you. It somehow felt I had lost you before, and it hurts, it hurts so badly. God, I love you so much and I can’t bear to lose you.”

Seungyoun’s eyes widen at Wooseok’s confession, but he isn’t surprised at the usage of the L word, only the fact that Wooseok said it out loud since Seungyoun felt the exact same way.

“Seok. You’re not gonna lose me. I’m here, always.” Seungyoun encloses Wooseok in a hug.

“Just to be clear, we’re together now right?” Seungyoun asks as he smiles down at Wooseok, waking up his arms in the morning.

“You still have to ask?” Wooseok leans up and kisses Seungyoun sweetly. His soul sings, and it sighs deeply, in content.

-

On the last day of 2021, after their performance at the MBC gayos, Wooseok and Seungyoun sneak out to the rooftop.

“Youn-ah, I’m scared.”

Seungyoun smiles and wraps Wooseok even tighter in his arms. “We had this exact conversation 2 weeks ago, Seok.”

“I’m still scared. It’s too close, I’m-I’m not prepared. The future is too uncertain.”

“Wooseokie” Seungyoun lets go of Wooseok only to clasp his face, up turning Wooseok’s face to meet Seungyoun’s gentle gaze.

“Whatever happens in the future, just know I love you. We may fight, we may not see each other for weeks, but being not together isn’t an option for me.” Seungyoun leans down to kiss Wooseok softly on the lips.

Wooseok smiles into the kiss, knowing that despite all these unknown challenges, everything’s going to be fine. They have a lifetime, together, to figure it out.

**Author's Note:**

> cookies if you can guess who are the side characters in the 1st and 2nd reincarnation
> 
> find me at @auvelous on twt if you wanna scream about seungseok tgt


End file.
